Fighting Feelings

As I was outside watering and fertilizing my lawn, which I absolutely hate doing, I was listening to some speeches on my iPhone and heard the following quote: “The most important variable in behavior change is being able to force yourself to behave differently than how you feel.”

Not only did I love the quote, I also was able to kill off some feelings of self-pity for my current circumstances. If people worried less about their feelings and more about what needs to be done, this world would be a far better place. Even in my own life, I often don’t “feel” like doing what I need to do. I don’t like waking up early; I really like my bed. I never look forward to vegetables. I rarely look forward to going to the gym. I’d rather watch TV at night than read books. Just like the Sirens from Greek mythology, feelings call out with dangerous and deceptive songs.

I’ve learned I must control my feelings or they will control me. Human beings are hard wired to want what brings comfort so we must push back against our DNA constantly if we are to accomplish anything of value. There is a phenomenon I’ve noticed though: as I give in to my feelings less and less, they typically catch up with my actions.

Because I don’t “feel” like going to the gym, almost every day a little voice tries to talk me out of it, even though he knows he is going to lose. But once I am there and warmed up, once I am engaged and committed, that voice dies off and the resistance fades. It doesn’t make what I am going through any less painful, but the inner turmoil starts to fade. Same thing with battling a bowl of broccoli or an early morning alarm clock waking me up, I still may not enjoy these tasks but my feelings towards them start to change once I start applying myself to the good I have to do. Engage in deliberate action and let your feelings catch up.

I still didn’t feel like fertilizing and watering my lawn tonight, but if I don’t, it won’t grow and the weeds start creeping in. Parts of it may even die. Hmmm, I think there might be a life lesson there. We all have areas of our life requiring some additional water and fertilizer but it will probably take moving past feelings to cultivate the growth we desire.

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