Toxic Humility

We have all seen false humility: the guy who tries to hide his arrogance with feigned modesty. It’s usually pretty obvious and always obnoxious. But there is also another variation of false humility out there: toxic humility. This is often displayed in self-deprecating talk and a lack of self-confidence, belittling or undermining one’s own talents and abilities. The danger in this kind of behavior is twofold: it is too often accepted as true humility and like a virus, it spreads doubt and disbelief.

To clarify, it is not that the bearer of this toxic humility isn’t honest about his view of himself. That is the very issue: he absolutely believes he has little value or utility. He thinks downplaying his own worth is humility but I disagree. CS Lewis said it best when he wrote, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking about yourself less.” His point being, true humility is not an ever-present raincloud of self-doubt that follows you around. It’s a focus on others and what you can do for them, not dwelling on what you can’t do for yourself.

True humility requires heightened self-awareness, an accurate picture of what your true gifts and talents are as well as an honest assessment of your areas of struggle. A blanket statement of worthlessness not only shortchanges you, it robs others of your skills and abilities. Author Pat Lencioni said, “Humility gives you a deep self-knowledge of the very few areas where you are encoded to do something uncommonly well. And understand where you are not. Focus on the few areas where you have distinctive contribution.”

In Matthew 25, Jesus gives a parable of three servants, each being allocated with a varying number of coins called “talents.” After a time, each servant was called to give a report on how the talents were used. The first two servants had produced even more value with what they had been given and were rewarded for it. The last servant produced nothing and was severely punished. He wasn’t punished because he invested poorly or lost it, he was beaten because he buried his talent in the ground and didn’t regard its value. He cheated not only himself and his Master, but also the world around him out of what the talent could have produced.

Downplaying and undermining your strengths can be just as destructive as arrogance. Focus on the needs of others and how you can leverage your abilities to meet those needs. Confidence and humility are not mutually exclusive if you recognize your unique gifts are to be used to serve others. Don’t bury your talents in toxic humility.