Lies of Perfectionism

A couple days ago I was talking with a man who was telling me about some of the financial struggles his mother-in-law is facing. He has witnessed a pattern of bad financial decisions and irresponsible management that has plagued her for years. Wanting to help her reverse this downward spiral, he offered to help her with a budget and come up with a game plan for the future. Appreciative, she thanked him for his willingness to help, but suggested that maybe he could take a look at her finances once she got everything in order and got her money problems cleaned up.

Does that make any sense? Why would she even need his help at that point? It’s like saying that you will wait to go to the doctor until you are healthy again! “Yeah, I know I have an oozing abscess in my throat, but I think I’ll wait to for that to heal up and then go see a doctor …” Crazy, right? But is it any different than someone wanting to get in better shape before joining a gym? Or losing weight before hiring a trainer? Or watching Youtube videos to practice your two-step before taking a dance class?

It’s the lie your ego tells you, the one that says you must get all your ducks in a row before you start something new or go after a goal. That you must get everything figured out ahead of time. Your pride tells you that you are unprepared and if you start now, you’ll look stupid, people will laugh, and you will fail in front of the whole world. It reminds you that the circumstances aren’t perfect and if you wait until you are “ready,” things will go smoother. These are some of the lies of perfectionism.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but perfect never shows up. If your diet was perfect, you wouldn’t need to lose weight. If your budget was flawless, you wouldn’t be running out of money every month and wondering where your paycheck went to hide. And if your ballroom dance steps would make Fred Astaire jealous, you wouldn’t need the classes. But the good news is that gyms are full of people who are out of shape, financial classes have plenty of broke members, and dance classes enroll lots of folks with two left feet (I know this because I’ve been one of them). Don’t listen to the lies of pride and perfectionism. Begin where you are at; just make a plan so you won’t stay there.

Comments

Toxic Humility

We have all seen false humility: the guy who tries to hide his arrogance with feigned modesty. It’s usually pretty obvious and always obnoxious. But there is also another variation of false humility out there: toxic humility. This is often displayed in self-deprecating talk and a lack of self-confidence, belittling or undermining one’s own talents and abilities. The danger in this kind of behavior is twofold: it is too often accepted as true humility and like a virus, it spreads doubt and disbelief. To clarify, it is not that the bearer of this toxic humility isn’t honest about his view of himself. That is the very issue: he absolutely believes he has little value or utility. He thinks downplaying his own worth is humility but I disagree. CS Lewis said it best when he wrote, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking about yourself less.” His point being, true humility is not an ever-present raincloud of self-doubt that follows you around. It’s a focus on...

Flower Among Thorns

About six or seven years ago, my wife was around three months pregnant as we eagerly anticipated the birth of another child. One night, as I lay sleeping, I had a dream that our baby was born. It was a beautiful little girl with thin, wispy hair and large, bright eyes punctuating her beautiful face. I held her proudly in my arms and stared down at this precious little creation. I carefully handed her off to her older brother, who was just a toddler himself, as he sat on the coach, arms outstretched, anxiously awaiting the chance to hold his baby sister. I helped him prop up a pillow underneath his little arms to help support my daughter and then stepped back to take in the amazing sight as he gazed down at her with both pride and amazement in his eyes. As I stood there watching them, the dream quickly faded. When I woke up, my eyes met the tearful glance of my wife. “I’m bleeding,” she said as she fought back the emotions, “I think I am miscarrying.” Those words sunk deeply i...

The Art of Intentionality

“Intentional living is the art of making our own choices before others’ choices make you.” – Richie Norton I am not even sure who Richie Norton is, but I love that quote! I imagine a ship drifting out to sea, pushed around by the wind and the waves. No course of direction, yet the captain is frustrated when the ship ends up dashed against the rocks, trapped on a sandbar or marooned on an inhospitable island. It is easy to complain when life takes us where we do not want to go. But who is really to blame if we have never set our sails to align us along an appropriate course? Do we blame the waves, wind and the weather? Or should we blame the captain of the ship? It is our life and our ship. We must set our sails with intentionality and determined choices. Otherwise, we are doomed to aimlessly drift along according to the choices and decisions of others.

Mindset Matters

Search This Blog