Skip to main content

Learning to Quit



What if quitting was a learned behavior? Have you ever considered that? And if so, when do you think you learned to quit?

I have a ten-month old son, Brecken, who is beginning to attempt walking. He will pull himself up on furniture, bob up and down a little bit, maybe side step some, and then eventually fall down. To this point, he’s known nothing but failure. Each attempt ends up with him landing squarely on his little behind, yet he remains enthusiastic and sometimes even giddy during these attempts. Why?

To start with, he’s exploring new and exciting horizons, experimenting ways to get into more trouble faster and more efficiently than ever before! But he also hasn’t learned to quit. He doesn’t know failure has a stigma. He hasn’t been inundated by people who have decided to just settle, being content to crawl for the rest of their lives because falling became too painful. In fact, he’s surrounded by four older siblings, all of whom walk, and he is eager to join them. He joyfully fails over and over again. He’s so excited about the small steps he makes, he mostly ignores the inevitable falls.

You are surrounded by people who have resigned themselves to crawl through life because they told themselves a story, a story that says falling is too high of a price to pay for the privilege of walking, much less running. You’ve been taught that failure is somehow shameful and to be avoided. You’ve been conditioned to believe hitting your chin on the train table (because not all the falls are cushioned by a soft diaper) is too costly and, if you stay content crawling, life won’t hurt as much. And somewhere along the line, you learned to give up. To settle. To compromise. To quit.

Here’s the good news: if quitting is learned, it can be unlearned. Just like any bad habit, it can be replaced. Your knees were meant for praying, not crawling.  



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Toxic Humility

We have all seen false humility: the guy who tries to hide his arrogance with feigned modesty. It’s usually pretty obvious and always obnoxious. But there is also another variation of false humility out there: toxic humility. This is often displayed in self-deprecating talk and a lack of self-confidence, belittling or undermining one’s own talents and abilities. The danger in this kind of behavior is twofold: it is too often accepted as true humility and like a virus, it spreads doubt and disbelief. To clarify, it is not that the bearer of this toxic humility isn’t honest about his view of himself. That is the very issue: he absolutely believes he has little value or utility. He thinks downplaying his own worth is humility but I disagree. CS Lewis said it best when he wrote, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking about yourself less.” His point being, true humility is not an ever-present raincloud of self-doubt that follows you around. It’s a focus on

Commitment

  You know what the problem is with a lot of goals and grand plans? They are mostly fueled by emotion rather than commitment. It is why most New Year’s Resolutions are long forgotten by now and many aspirations quietly fizzle out over time. True commitment is sticking with the effort even – if and especially when – the emotion has diminished or disappeared. Emotion can be a great initiator of action, like kindling on a fire, but it lacks staying power. Commitment is the logs that keep the fire burning long after the kindling is consumed. The butterflies after falling in love, the best intentions of waking up at 4:30am every day to work out after you join a new gym, the excitement of your first day on campus, even the sleep-deprivation induced euphoria of a new baby: all kindling. But it is commitment that keeps you working hard on the marriage twenty-three years after “I do.” It is what causes you to keep going when you do not want to make one more sales call, do one more presentat

Glutton for Punishment

I’ve learned over the years that being comfortable can be a dangerous thing. I try to find paths to discomfort to push me out of my realm of “safety.” However, I have noticed my ability to develop comfort zones amidst discomfort. I’ve found ways to be comfortable in uncomfortable circumstances. I wonder, do I need to be stretched beyond those areas as well? One of the areas in which I have adapted to the discomfort is the gym. I don’t go to the gym to exercise, to get stronger or even to be healthier. It’s grown beyond that. Now, I go to the gym to clear my head by testing my will and resolve. I do it to see how hard I can push my limits and I strive to outwork everyone else there. I may not be the strongest, the fastest or the fittest. I may not lift the most weight or even do the most reps – I can’t control any of those variables – but I can control my effort. So one of my goals for each workout is to unleash more effort than anyone else at the gym. But along with this