The Other Edge of Loss

A couple of days ago I was in a situation that provided me with some very palpable reminders of the loss of a great friend. There was a particular moment that flooded me with emotion and brought me to a place where time stood still. More than standing still, time felt warped. My friend’s passing felt as present as if it was happening all over again. The feelings and reactions I felt three years ago were almost tangible, just like the desk in front of me on which my fingertips were resting.

The emotions of that loss pierced my soul like a double-edged sword. Powerful and raw, they were nearly overwhelming. But only one of those edges was pain. Uncomfortable as the hurt was, the other edge the emotion brought with it was joy. Not joy in the loss, but joy stemming from the gratitude that I had something, someone, so precious to lose.

I have a good life, a great life, filled with countless blessings. But like all of us, I can get caught up dwelling on the experience of loss. And if I am not careful, I miss the gifts of joy that preceded each of those losses.

Yes, losing someone or something precious hurts. And yes, I could live closed-off and invulnerable. I could put up walls and barriers around my heart and my emotions. I could live on-guard, in constant “protection” mode. But, like Garth brooks says, I could have missed the pain, but I would have missed the dance. Today, I am grateful for the dance.

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