The Little Leaguer

 

A couple of weeks ago I was settling into our pew at church, trying to make sure all – or at least most – of our six kids were accounted for. I noticed my sister sitting in the pew just ahead of ours and there was a man next to her, sitting too close to be a stranger. The world stopped for just a moment as the reality sank in: the man was my father. A flood of emotions began welling up inside me as I contemplated that being the first time in over five years my dad had been with us in church.

As I have been thinking back on that moment over the last few days, I have realized the feelings I had on that morning were similar to the emotions I experienced many years before in my little league days. I remember being a young boy and nervously stepping up to bat and looking into the stands to see if my dad was watching. Seeing him did not change the pitches that would come or the uncertainty I faced, but somehow knowing he was “with” me in the moment gave me calm. I was ready to face whatever was coming from the pitcher’s mound.

Thinking back on those experiences as a little boy and then the moment in church, I have come to accept that little leaguer will always be a part of me. No matter how strong or mentally tough I am, no matter what I accomplish or how much drive I have, no matter my ambitions or willpower, that little boy is still inside of me, wondering if my father is watching.

I think we all have that little boy or little girl inside of us. For you, he or she may not be looking for your father or even a family member, but some part of you will be wanting to make sure a certain person is “with” you. Maybe not there physically, but they are standing beside you in spirit as you face the uncertainties of life. It is that someone who – knowing they are watching, supporting and believing in you – allows you to draw courage as if from a well that is otherwise unavailable.

I am not sure what to do with this information. How is this practical or useful knowledge? Is it even practical or useful? I am still processing. Maybe the lesson is just acknowledging that young boy – the little leaguer. He is still there and probably always will be. I can try to hide him behind my current confidence and strength, but I must not pretend he does not exist.