Mindset Matters

  All too often I hear the excuse, “I can’t do that, I am just not that discipled.” It is a cop-out phrase usually referring to something that someone knows they should do – maybe even that they must do – but are unwilling to commit to. So, instead of committing, they give themselves an out, an escape clause. It then becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Discipline is not something anyone is born with or “gifted.” It is a character quality that must be first acquired, then developed and finally, exercised. Saying you cannot commit to something because you are not disciplined is like saying you cannot lift weights because you are too weak. Your weakness is precisely why you need to get into the gym! And in the same way, your atrophied discipline muscle must be stressed in order to grow stronger. Disciplined people do not do difficult things because of their discipline. They become disciplined because they commit to and execute difficult things. They exercise their discipline and it d

Human beings are built for novelty. We are attracted to the new, bright shiny thing, regardless of whether it is superior to what we already have. Perhaps we are not too far removed from the toddler who is immediately discontent with the toy he is playing with as soon as a new toy is introduced. Our brains are biologically wired for novelty. However, research seems to be showing that bright flashy screens and always-at-your-fingertips technology bringing the whole world to us right now have exaggerated what was already a predisposition. While obsession for novelty is not necessarily detrimental, we must be wary of our desire for it. Because we are built for novelty, we are at risk for overlooking the tried and true while we search for new and exciting. The “old way” of doing things, no matter how effective, is boring. Our brains want fresh and innovative. We waste precious time and energy on the novel while ignoring the proven. Do not let what might work distract you from what ha

  The phrase, “moving the goalposts” usually refers to someone changing an objective or a standard on you while you are amid the process of achieving the original goal. For example, your boss sets a target for you of $1 million in sales over the next quarter. If you achieve it, you receive a $5k quarterly bonus. However, just as you are closing in the mark, your boss announces the target is now $1.25 million for the quarter. Frustrating, right? It is like running a marathon and just as you are completing the 26 th mile, you are informed the finish line was moved to mile 30. This can happen in many areas of life: work, school, interpersonal relationships, etc. It is both confusing and frustrating when a standard continues to be altered and we are not sure how we measure up. We feel like the donkey chasing a carrot on a stick in front of us; no matter how fast we run, the carrot is out there just a little further. Usually when people refer to “goalposts” being moved, they are refere

  Do you ever let “how” diminish your “what” and your “why”? This is certainly a shortcoming of mine. I like to have a game plan and a strategy. I like to plot how I will accomplish a given goal or objective. While I believe being a planner is overall a good quality, it does have an inherent weakness. If I shift focus from “what” and “why” to “how” too quickly, I neglect to fully internalize why a goal or target is meaningful and important. Furthermore, I do not give myself time to clarify the “what” and identify what the target even looks like. When this occurs, the doubts start rolling in shortly thereafter. Instead of looking for ways to accomplish what I am setting out to do, I begin dwelling on all the circumstances that might prevent me from reaching my goal. I start fixating on all the ways my plans will not work, or what I cannot do, instead of what I can do to achieve them. While trouble-shooting plans and thinking through possible roadblocks that must be circumvented i

As we approach the Holiday season, my wife has started to make a “bucket” list of all the things she wants to do over the next few weeks. She is very festive. Me? Not so much. As we discussed my taking time off from work, she was very focused on all the activities we could add; meanwhile, I was thinking about all the things I would not be doing. What is the opposite of a bucket list? Whatever you call it, that is what I was planning. Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to the festivities and traditions, especially time with family making this season memorable for the kids. But all this planning got me musing on the fact that lots of people have To-Do Lists to help with productivity, but what if we had “Do-Not-Do” Lists? Would that make us even more productive? What if we started our day with Do-Not-Do lists before we even thought about what we needed to do? What would that impact look like? I do not have this all thought out yet, but it is something worth mulling over: What wo

  Easy to measure does not mean important to execute. In life, we have a tendency to measure things that are easy to track, regardless of their impact or consequence. And this makes perfect sense. When we have a yardstick to which we can compare ourselves, it can be very motivating. The yardstick shows us where we stand and what a win looks like. However, just because something can be measured does not mean it should be. And for better or for worse, what gets measured usually gets done. We waste a lot of time measuring – and then acting on – the wrong variables. We often seek actions for their well-defined yardsticks rather than their impact and significance. Building trust and connection in my interactions at work – showing people I care about them and their future – is far more impactful than how many emails I respond to. It takes me about 20 seconds to figure out how many emails I have sent this week, but measuring trust and connection is far less tangible. We must seek maximu

  I want to wrap up, at least for now, my thoughts over the last few days. By having a map to follow, or at least a compass-heading and an intentional direction forward, we not only have a better chance at making the right decisions for our lives and staying motivated, we are less likely to be drawn off the course by fake paths and false promises. One reason people blindly follow the herd – as mentioned in Pluralistic Ignorance – is they never really had a clear direction to begin with. If you don’t know what path to take or even where you are headed, following everyone else probably seems quite reasonable. And if nothing else, it feels “safe.” Strength in numbers, right? But unfortunately, that feeling of security can be a mirage if that crowd is headed off a cliff. You will feel safe right up until the moment it’s too late. In contrast, the right path can feel scary and lonely. Temporary security is something you must give up at times to ensure you are headed in the appropriate d

  The other day in “Walking in Circles” I appealed to you to consider the importance of having deeply meaningful objectives as landmarks in your life. These provide a sense of purpose, guide you and prevent you from wandering aimlessly. But having a profound purpose and meaningful objective for your life is not enough. You need a roadmap. You need to clarify the steps and paths you will need to take to reach that objective. It seems many around us are content waiting for a map. They are passively and aimlessly existing until someone comes along and plots out a course for them to take. One of the major problems with this vein of thinking is that other people are only going to give you a map to where they want you to go. It is not your map. It is not guiding you to your destination. You must be willing to create your own map. Sometimes it will feel like you keep bumping into obstacles and hitting roadblocks. That is okay. Check your bearings, recalibrate, and ensure you are still aligned

I am sure at some point in all our lives, we have all felt the proverbial frustration of “walking around in circles.” As it turns out, that is a very literal phenomenon. Jan Souman of the Max Planck Institute for Biological Cybernetics put the colloquialism to the test and researched how humans behave in unfamiliar forests and deserts. What he found out was that, without paths, maps or landmarks, people invariably do end up walking around in circles. While the research explores many theories for that discovery that we are not going to get into here, the point is this: without something guiding us, human beings tend to wander in circles. This is true far beyond deserts and forests. What are the guiding principles for your life? Do you have a pathway to keep you on track? Do you have landmarks out ahead to keep you moving in the right direction? Do you have a map to keep you from drifting off course? And here is the big question: do you know where you want to end up in life? Is there

Pluralistic ignorance is a social phenomenon that is especially prevalent during times of uncertainty. When we are in a new or unfamiliar environment or circumstance, we find ourselves searching for appropriate behaviors or reactions. Typically, we look to the behaviors and reactions of others to guide our own response. Thus, our response is not based on what is right or effective, it is predicated primarily on what others are doing. When caught up in pluralistic ignorance, we do not really understand why we or anyone is given to a specific response or a set of reactions. Others are doing it and that seems to be compelling enough. Later, we then justify our “herding” with the group with more rational answers. But if we are honest with ourselves, the real reason boils down to “everyone else is doing it.” You have likely asked your child a question to the effect of, “If Timmy jumped off a bridge, would you?” But we need to be asking ourselves, “If all my peers were jumping off a brid

  Caleb Nichols is a sculptor who specializes in a very distinctive niche: most of his art is created from broken pieces of glass. He creates beautiful, imaginative sculptures from something that was once crushed or shattered. The result is every piece has a strikingly unique and distinctive look. There is nothing cookie-cutter about his work. Each piece is an exquisite work of art. Each one of us has broken glass in our lives. Sometimes dreams are crushed. Hopes are dashed. Expectations are shattered. Promises are fractured. Plans get smashed. We see broken glass. But God sees a potential masterpiece. Some of the greatest advances in history came from courageous people picking up the pieces of shattered dreams and broken spirits. Look to innovators like the Wright brothers who overcame tremendous setbacks to create the airplane or Steve Jobs who was kicked out of the very company he created, only to return to build it into an international icon. Or look back to the founders of our

  My seven-month-old son just started army-crawling a few weeks ago, and this new-found independence has made him less content when being held. He gets stir-crazy, squirming and struggling to get out of my arms. It’s like trying to hold onto a frantic puppy. But where is he going to go? He can’t walk, he can’t talk. I’m almost certain he doesn’t have a job lined up or even any prospects. He was born at the very beginning of the Covid shutdown, therefore he knows exactly no one outside of our family. So, it is not like he has a getaway driver waiting for him outside; and even if he did, he can’t reach the door latch to let himself out of the house. He has a lot of energy and enthusiasm, but no strategy. Lots of passion, but no purpose or plan. Passion alone only gets you so far. Without a clear objective and a game plan to execute, excitement and desire rarely do much to propel you forward and often leave you spinning your wheels. And eventually, after a long enough time of aimless