Mindset Matters

I just wanted to clarify something from yesterday. I am not against celebrating victories. In fact, as emotional beings, we generally accomplish more when we break a large goal down into smaller pieces and celebrate the small wins along the way. But that celebration should be an event – a moment in time – and not a new pace of life. Think of it like Christmas. The spirit of the holiday – the gratitude and appreciation for the gifts and blessings in your life – should remain with you throughout the year, just as the recognition of your goal’s achievement should trigger an attitude of thankfulness and joy. But the celebration is just a season, it’s not a way of life. You can only wear so many obnoxious sweaters while drinking eggnog and experiencing awkward conversation with your Crazy Aunt Ethel during the Christmas Dinner. Yes, it’s fun and festive (but sometimes a little uncomfortable while Ethel talks about her cats and asks you why you aren’t wearing the sweater she knit y...

I recently heard an interview given by an ex-NFL player discussing his time in the League. A very talented athlete and a highly touted player coming out of college, he never really found his groove in the NFL. He recounted the struggle he faced to find motivation and meaning in the pros and remembered the difficulty in maintaining the intensity and drive necessary to play football at that level. The problem: his whole life was focused on getting to the NFL, but there was nothing drawing him beyond that dream. Being drafted was the finish line to him and he lacked aspirations beyond that milestone. In his mind, he had arrived. Soon, he found himself mired in complacency and mediocrity, triggering a tailspin that included addictions, broken relationships and eventually, led to his exit from the NFL. This unfortunate story is not unique to this individual – certainly not inside the NFL and professional sports, nor inside everyday life. We are all susceptible to creating “finish ...

A couple days ago I was talking with a man who was telling me about some of the financial struggles his mother-in-law is facing. He has witnessed a pattern of bad financial decisions and irresponsible management that has plagued her for years. Wanting to help her reverse this downward spiral, he offered to help her with a budget and come up with a game plan for the future. Appreciative, she thanked him for his willingness to help, but suggested that maybe he could take a look at her finances once she got everything in order and got her money problems cleaned up. Does that make any sense? Why would she even need his help at that point? It’s like saying that you will wait to go to the doctor until you are healthy again! “Yeah, I know I have an oozing abscess in my throat, but I think I’ll wait to for that to heal up and then go see a doctor …” Crazy, right? But is it any different than someone wanting to get in better shape before joining a gym? Or losing weight before hiring ...

I think it’s called something like a “White Elephant Gift Exchange.” It usually happens during an office Christmas party or some kind of pre-Christmas social gathering. Just like Monopoly, the rules vary with the house, but the gist is everyone shows up with a gift and then gets the opportunity to exchange it for another gift when it’s their “turn.” However, even after you’ve chosen a new gift, someone going after you can then exchange their gift for yours, and then you have another opportunity to trade away that gift for a new one. This process continues until everyone has taken their “turn,” all the cookies have been eaten, and all the guests are disappointed because inevitably, no one ends up with an ideal gift and will likely just store it until next Christmas when they can try to pawn it off at the following year’s White Elephant Gift Exchange. Because you don’t really know what gift you’ll end up with until the end, the tendency is to be always on the lookout for the “...

Earlier this morning, I passed by a young man, probably about 15 years old, crippled and using a walker to move along a hallway. His femurs, rather than coming straight down out of his hips, appeared to be oriented at a 30-45 degree angle so his legs and feet weren’t directly under him, making it impossible for him to walk without assistance.  After this encounter, I could probably mention something about being thankful for the simple things in life – like being able to walk – or I could write something about how others have it harder than you do, or simply encourage you to not take your blessings for granted. But I would like to take this in another direction because of where I saw this young man: at the gym!  Just to begin his workout required significant exertion. He literally had to crawl up onto the treadmill on all fours and then used the safety bars alongside the machine to pull himself up. Getting on the treadmill was a full body exercise for him. He then ...

This past weekend my family started decorating the house for Christmas. The kids brought all the boxes and totes out of storage and my wife started planning out how to set up the room. As the work continued, I realized I was becoming uncomfortable with all the limitless possibilities in the decorating process. The placement of the tree, the locations for garland and lights, even where the ornaments would be placed on tree; there is no definitive “right” answer for any of those decisions. Feeling somewhat aimless, I opted to finish the dishes and do the laundry, tasks that were more defined with specific, measurable progress and end points. I later realized I was fleeing ambiguity. Isn’t this the fear from which so many run? It’s not really the fear of failure or even uncertainty – although I’m certain these sources of fear are all connected – rather, it is the fear of ambiguity. It’s not that we are afraid of the path ahead or unsure of where the path might lead, the fear com...