Mindset Matters

  All of us have a natural predisposition to look for certain things in life. Some are naturally more curious and look for novelty and life’s lessons. Others may look for the blessings and reasons to be grateful. Some tend to look for ways to surprise and encourage others. But there are other tendencies as well – whether natural or nurtured – that are far from beneficial. Many look for excuses to pass blame or shed responsibility. Others look for reasons to support their own victimhood and helplessness. Some look for proof that life is against them. Or they look for reasons to be bitter or angry or afraid. What you look for constantly you will find consistently. This is a wonderful truth for those who are seeking the beauty and blessings of life. But it is a precarious reality for those who are inclined to focus on the negative elements of life. Be careful what you look for as you are to likely find it.

  Being present is sometimes difficult for me. As human beings, we have a natural inclination to dwell on regrets from the past and borrow trouble from the future. As a planner, I am certainly prone to the latter. I think about all the things I must do: tomorrow, next week and next month. I wonder how all the pieces of the future will fit together. How will I make them fit? What might go wrong? I add stress to my present because of possibilities in the future. I carry tomorrow’s burdens that do not need to be on my shoulders today. This type of activity robs us out of the present because our energy is divided between what has already happened and what might happen, leaving us struggling to deal with what is happening now. It is unfair to others because they do not have all of us in the moment. It is unfair to our past because we cannot effectively learn lessons from the past by rehashing our regrets. It is unfair to our future because we enter it worn down and unfocused. Most o...

  Do you ever rob people of their problems? Do you ever try to shoulder someone else’s load without being invited to do so? I don’t mean situations in which people are genuinely asking for advice and guidance. I am talking about those times when people just vent and complain, seeking to make their problems your problems. And they might not even be trying to hand off their issues. Sometimes we just try to take other’s burdens from them even without being asked for assistance. In doing so, we effectively try to rob people of their problems. It’s not fair to them and it certainly is not fair to us. It can enable others while disempowering ourselves as we try to “fix” something we cannot control. It poisons your mindset with frustration and helplessness. It is exhausting.  Each one of us has plenty of our own issues to work on. Let’s not try to rob others of theirs. 

  How many experiences of failure does it take before the average person gives up on a goal or quits walking down a pathway to a desired objective? Three times? Six times? How about less than one? Research shows that the average quest toward a major life goal is abandoned before the first significant setback. How is that possible? We all hear stories of the perseverance and resilience exhibited by people who refused to quit and eventually saw their aspirations come to fruition. But the vast majority quit before their first real failure. We have learned to view failing as equal with being a failure. One has nothing to do with the other. The first is an experience in a moment in time. The second is a mindset. I would venture to say someone who gives up before experiencing a major setback has certainly failed. However, the person who continues to get back up, learns from past mistakes, and continues to press forward cannot possibly be a failure because she has conquered the most dange...

Only moments after waking up this morning, I was startled this morning by a most repulsive experience. I had just put in my contacts – I am nearly blind without them – and my eyes were greeted by the disgusting sight of a pile of fingernail clippings on the bathroom counter. What kind of miscreant would do such a thing?!? I mean, leaving an empty roll of toilet paper is one thing, but this was a whole other level of barbaric behavior. What kind of animal does something like that?!? Was it one of my kids? Could it have been my lovely wife? Ah, maybe it was one of our uncivilized guests from the night before! As I pondered the repulsive behavior – and as self-righteous desire for justice welled up inside of me – my half-asleep brain started putting the pieces together and I came to a horrifying realization: it was me! I had clipped my fingernails the previous afternoon, and as the self-grooming momentum built, I decided to take a pass at my toenails as well. I was accomplishing so mu...

  At a business conference a few years ago, a fellow attendee walked up to me, made a comment about my chest muscles (hey, my eyes are up here, buddy!) and then proceeded to ask what exercise I used to get that way. What was my secret? Bench press? Incline press? Dumbbells? Cable flyes? Since the ship of normal human interaction had already sailed at this point, I was probably a little less gracious than I could have been. In my caught-off-guard-state, I told him my “secret” was I had not skipped a workout in ten years. Feeling a bit bad about my initial response, I further explained that the specific exercises did not matter nearly as much as his long-term commitment to whatever choices he made. In our tweet, text, at-your-fingertips, microwave, Instant Pot, instant gratification world, it is easy to overlook consistency. Our society as a whole lacks the stamina to stick with commitments long enough to see the benefits come to light. Instead, we search for the shortcut, the qu...

  The term “discipline” often stirs up negative associations. Maybe it triggers memories of being grounded or spanked as a kid. Perhaps it gives you flashbacks of your drill instructor during bootcamp. The problem with our associations is we can allow discipline to be viewed as punishment. Punishment is a penalty. Discipline is refining. Punishment deprives. Discipline frees and leads to abundance. But wait, doesn’t discipline deprive as well? If I am on a diet, I am deprived of foods I want to eat. If I am disciplined in my finances, I am deprived of spending the money I “have” to save. If I am exercising, I am depriving myself of the comfort of sleeping in or relaxing and exposing myself to real discomfort and even pain. If I am studying and learning, I am depriving myself of hanging out with friends or “vegging out.” If I am “time-blocking” and on a schedule, I am depriving myself of free time. While this may be true in the moment, there is a greater transaction at work. W...