Mindset Matters

Once upon a time, there was a young boy and an old man making their way up a mountain path. Accompanying them on the journey was a single donkey. As the trek progressed, the little boy became fatigued and the old man helped him up on the donkey. Upon seeing an old man walking up the steep path while a young boy rode, other travelers began to sneer and scoff, “Look at that poor old man having to walk the trail, while the boy comfortably rides their donkey.” After several of these comments, the old man and the boy decided to switch places and the old man then rode the donkey. It didn’t take long before another passerby commented, “Why is that man riding the donkey and forcing that cute little kid to walk? How selfish!” After a few more similar remarks, the boy and the old man decided they would both walk. But once again, the snide remarks soon followed, “Look at those two idiots walking when they have a perfectly good donkey to ride!” Irritated and embarrassed, our two ...

A few months ago, my beautiful bride tricked me into taking ballroom dance classes with her. It was far outside of my comfort zone and even farther from my natural talents. After I had “done my time” with the initial block of classes, I wasn’t super excited about continuing with lessons. My wife then asked, “You don’t want to take more lessons? Don’t you want to be really good?” To which my heartfelt and contemplative response was, “No, not really, I am pretty okay with sub-par in this area of my life.” My wife was surprised by this response, assuming I like to be good at everything. While that is partially true, it would be fun to be good at everything – and I would also like to be exempt from taxes and have the powers of flight – I know some things just aren’t meant to be. I will likely never win Dancing With the Stars, and I am quite fine with that. Now before you assume that I’ve resigned myself to a life of remarkable mediocrity (no, that isn’t an oxymoron; people mi...

One of the terrible traps to fall into is the belief that at a certain point, it’s okay to stop learning, or even worse, that one can no longer learn. Being a student shouldn’t end when you finish 12 th grade or even after attaining a college degree. In fact, I would argue that learning should accelerate after those milestones as now you are hopefully armed with some of the tools and habits necessary to make learning even more effective. We are surrounded by opportunities for personal growth, increases in knowledge and educational development like never before and it can happen without even leaving your chair. And it’s not just ebooks, TED Talks and podcasts. In the hyperconnected society we live in, we can learn from each other far easier than at any other time in history. So, here is my challenge: For the rest of the year, every evening before you crawl into bed, write down one thing you learned that day. That’s it. You might learn all kinds of things, but you must rem...

It’s still January and still thus New Year’s Resolution Season, so one last blurb on goals. I discussed the importance of goals being measurable and specific. I noted the benefit of breaking large objectives into smaller chunks and bringing their meaning into today. Lastly, I wanted to touch on the value of aiming your attention on leading, rather than lagging measures. Said another way, focus on inputs not outcomes. Here’s what I mean, and we will choose a weight loss goal to pick on since it’s an easy target, but this can be applied to most any goal. Losing 10lbs in eight weeks is both measurable and specific. Breaking that down into smaller chunks with daily importance, that’s 1.25lbs per week. Now every day matters and the week’s objective is manageable. So, the last step is converting the outcome – losing the 10lbs – into inputs that will drive the results we want. Here’s the catch, the input must be something you have direct control over. For example, you may not be abl...

The problem with many of our resolutions and undertakings, even if they are measurable and specific, is that the sheer magnitude of the objective may be overwhelming. Losing 80lbs, reinventing your business model, running a marathon, paying off $120k in student loans ... these are great goals, but not only does their enormity make them intimidating, it also creates the illusion that today doesn’t matter. Combined, these two factor create a huge hurdle to even begin the process, much less build meaningful momentum. If I need to pay off six figures in debt, does it really matter if I get on a budget this instant? Can’t I just wait until tomorrow or next week? This is why we must break down our goals and objectives into manageable, bite-sized pieces. This does two things for us. One, it makes the process and commitment seem at least feasible. And two, it creates significance for today and every day going forward.  For example, if you meet with a financial planner and le...

We are already two-thirds of the way through January, and all the ambitions and goals for the year have likely already met resistance. Research shows that by February, a large preponderance of New Years resolutions have already died out or have at least relinquished a great deal of momentum. The objective we set out to accomplish may already appear overwhelming. That’s why a measurable goal is so important. In fact, I would argue that until an objective is measurable, it really isn’t even a goal. Human beings don’t connect well with the abstract, and we also have a need to measure progress in order to stay motivated. So, we must bake metrics right into the recipe. Here’s what a mean: ·         I want to exercise more – Too vague. What is “more” and what is “exercise”? Instead, it should look something like, “I want to lift weights two days a week for at least 30 minutes and do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardiovascular activity on two ...

“Just follow your instincts” It sounds good and the advice is often well-intentioned, but that adage can also steer us off the right path. While instincts are important, they can’t be followed without examination. You might argue, “But instincts are designed for our survival!” And you are correct. Instincts were designed to keep you alive, but not necessarily to help you thrive. Yes, instincts help you flee quickly from the tiger lunging from the bushes, but they do little to keep you on an optimal path for the future. And since there aren’t a lot of tigers where I live, “following instincts” might need to be re-evaluated. Instincts seek pleasure and flee pain. They seek comfort and temporary safety. But some pain is necessary. Comfort can be dangerous. And what seems safe in the moment, might be quite costly over the long run. So while you shouldn’t completely ignore your instincts, please be wary of them. Examine them to see if they are trying to persuade you ...

I saw a commercial this am for local gym. Ironically, I was working out at another gym in town when the ad came on. Anyway, the commercial espoused all the great features of their gym (weights, cardio, free candy – you know, the normal stuff) as well as some membership specials they are running for a “limited time only,” which in gym speak, means “whenever you get around to dragging your lazy butt in here, we will be waiting with our ‘limited time’ offer.” They mentioned low monthly fees, $0 enrollment and then, as big bold letters came across the screen, “NO COMMITMENT,” the narrator excitedly reports that you may cancel at any time. What a horrible way to encourage someone to pursue a lifetime of fitness! Right from the beginning, this gym is giving people an out, an excuse to give up. No commitment! It’s an awful message to anyone who is trying to take the right steps to better themselves. It’s one thing if we are talking about a magazine subscription, a membership to a loca...

We live in a very insulated society. Like a padded gym floor, our life here in America is designed to soften your fall. Consequences are blunted and it seems very difficult to truly hit rock-bottom. While there is so much danger in this, and great potential individual destruction, there is also a silver lining: for those who are willing, we can take greater risks than any society in the history of the world and still recover to give it another shot or move on to another venture. Not too long ago, if you took too large of a business risk, you might lose everything, and your family might starve. If you were a farmer a few generations ago and had a single bad harvest, you might lose not only your fields, you might also lose your life. If you were a rancher pushing cattle across the country and misread a looming storm, you might find yourself out in the elements and perish due to exposure. Such catastrophic loss is rarely seen in our country anymore. While you may lose everyt...

Benjamin Zander is a world-renowned conductor and the current music director of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra. In working with superbly talented musicians, he has developed a curious technique for improving their abilities and triggering their growth as a musicians: he celebrates mistakes. For example, when a musician in his orchestra misses a note, they are to raise their hands in triumph and with pride while the rest of the orchestra pauses to join them in their moment of “celebration.” At first glance this may seem silly or corny at best, but I think there is some real genius behind this policy. Ben realizes that in order for his already accomplished musicians to continue to grow and improve, they need to play at the edge of their current capabilities. In stretching them beyond their comfort zones, he accepts and even expects that errors will indeed be made as the musicians push themselves into new territory. This technique is not meant to tolerate errors made because of...

Continuing yesterday’s thoughts, if we choose to accept undesirable results as feedback (rather than failure) we position ourselves to learn from the experience rather than being beaten by it. We come out of the lesson better equipped for success than we were before the “failure.” Although the unpleasant outcome wasn’t what we would have chosen, we can be better off for it because now we know what can be improved, what must be changed, and what might not need be done at all.  Samuel Smiles once wrote, “We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery.” With this perspective, failure can illuminate the path ahead rather than block it. If we are willing to search out the lessons, failure is not the stop sign that many will see, but rather a signpost showing us the way. 

We all know the story about Thomas Edison’s “failed” experiments and the 10,000 attempts to create a lightbulb before he finally got it to work. We are enamored by his ability to overlook failure. And while his ingenuity, perseverance and determination are amazing for sure, do you know who else refused to succumb to a “failed” experiment? Every other scientist ever! I don’t mean to undermine Edison or anything he accomplished, but the science itself is built on building upon “failure.” Only they don’t call it "failure," they call it "feedback." What set Edison apart was his ability to doggedly accept mounds of feedback, learn from it and assimilate that information into new experimental trials without losing enthusiasm.  In fact, the scientific method itself is based on an attempt to disprove a hypothesis. A scientist literally takes an idea and tries to see if he can get it to fail. A good scientist willingly and ambitiously subjects his or her best idea...

This might sound corny, and please don’t judge me, but I couldn’t resist. As we begin the year 2020, I am compelled to mention something about having a “clear vision” for the year ahead. And corny or not, a clear vision is not only vitally important, it’s also largely ignored. So many people have no idea where they want to go with their life or what they want their life to look like and live every day like it’s an isolated event in a series of days, months and years, rather than a connected process. During this time of year, we get caught up in New Year’s resolutions and cherry-pick an area of life in which we would like to improve, but few give much thought to the overall impact to the direction and trajectory of their life. So what if you lose a few pounds but your marriage falls apart? Who cares if you finally learn Spanish, but you continue to be an unhappy and bitter person? Does it really matter if you get up earlier if you waste the extra time each morning? How does yo...