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Mix of Emotions




It’s a weird mix of emotions I am feeling this morning. For whatever reason, the pain of lost friends and loved ones seems especially intense today. The distance in other relationships is also troubling, especially with my dad. I really miss how things used to be, the closeness in our friendship we used to have. I am hurting for close friends going through various trials. But I am also feeling tremendous appreciation for the countless wonderful things in my life. There is so much good to be thankful for! But there’s also some trepidation for unknowns in the future, like “What in the world are we going to do with six kids?!? Are we going to become van people?” And lastly, I am also feeling a deep sense of responsibility and purpose.

With one week to go before the final Thanksgiving of the decade, I think the dominant emotion I am experiencing is gratitude. My heart is overwhelmed with appreciation for my wonderful wife and mother of my five and a half kids (Number 6 is due in March and is only half-baked. Some would say all of them are only half-baked, but that’s another matter). I am so blessed to have each one of my crazy but amazing kids. I love the team that we have become together and the way my Bride keeps us all in check and everything running smoothly. I am thankful for a job I love to go to every morning. I actually miss my job on my days off, not because my time off isn’t great, but because I miss standing shoulder to shoulder with my beloved friends and family at the office as we engage in the opportunity to change the lives of the people who walk through our door. It’s not just an occupation or a career, it’s a calling. If I stop and think about it, there’s not another man on this planet I would trade lives with. Even with the struggles and pain, the joy and fulfillment I have overshadows the trials.

So, as I try to make sense of the cocktail of emotions swirling around in my soul, my mind goes back to a comic strip I cut out and taped to my bedroom door twenty-five years ago. There’s a line at the end of the comic that has stuck with me the entire time, two and a half decades. A question I continue to ask myself and keeps coming into my thoughts today. The line reads: “When God was handing out good lives, why did He give one to me?”

I am so thankful for the life of which I am a steward. Oh Lord, please don’t let me waste it!

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