Mindset Matters

Do you have a plan to fail? Probably not. You’ve probably never designed a strategy to lose your job. You’ve probably never made a plan to develop heart disease or gain weight. You haven’t made a plan to run out of money or get into a lot of debt. You probably don’t have a plan to dissolve a marriage or ruin a relationship. You’ve never crafted a strategy to end up alone, broke and unhappy. Deterioration and degradation don’t require a plan. They happen naturally. The nicest, most expensive sportscar will break down if not properly cared for and maintained. The purest gold will gradually tarnish and lose its shine. The finest home will eventually show peeled paint, weathered wood and cracks in the foundation. Decay and decline are the natural progressions of life unless acted on by an outside force, proactively reversing or halting the process. You probably don’t have a plan to fail, but do you have a plan not to?

We have a tendency to have a generalized response to the concept of failure. We fear and avoid failure without carefully qualifying it. I see failure as being broken down into two broad categories: terminal and transient. Terminal failure are the circumstances from which you can’t recover. Think: “An unlucky day skydiving” or “a bad client when you are a lion tamer.” Even when considering “worst case scenario,” very few outcomes result in terminal failure. Even if you lose an account, lose your job or lose the company, as difficult as those outcomes might be, there is still a chance for recovery. Terminal failure is very rare indeed. Most failure is transient. It’s painful, but not permanent. You may swing and miss, but you get two more strikes. You may strike out, but you’ll probably be up to bat in a couple more innings. You may lose the game, but there will be another one soon – you can still go to the World Series with a lot of L’s on your record. Most of the failures...

What is your busiest day of the week? I’m sure Monday’s are a busy day in kicking off the week. Maybe it’s Saturday, getting caught up on errands and household things that build up during the week. For a lot of people, the busiest day of the week is Someday. “Someday I will finish my degree.”   “Someday I will push for the promotion.”   “Someday I will get in shape.” “Someday I will do what needs to be done.” Someday might be the busiest day of the week, but it never quite arrives. Ultimately, what’s put off until “Someday” probably never gets done. Make a specific plan with definitive timelines and deadlines. Don’t wait for Someday.

You know how you feel after a good, hard day’s work? You go to bed tired, but satisfied. Maybe even exhausted, but with the subtle invigoration of accomplishment. It’s the feeling when you know you’ve put in a good day’s work and earned your rest. There is a great deal of research being produced looking at happiness and fulfillment. Scientists are realizing that most people find far more contentment in work than in leisure. The quality of mood is, on average, usually better when people are engaged and being challenged. This also shows up in countless retirees who are more worried about what might go wrong than enjoying what is going right. We are designed to work hard and to be productive. Rest and relaxation, though important, seem to have diminishing returns beyond a certain level. When my number gets called and I close my eyes for the last time, I hope to leave this life tired, but fulfilled rather than restless and bored.

I like to get into the gym around 7:30am. This is early enough that the people who want to sleep in are not there yet, but late enough that the people who have “real jobs” are already on their way to work. Today, however, kids were out of school because of the holiday, and that meant my normally “quiet” time at the gym was much busier with high school kids getting in their morning workouts. As I maneuvered around the students, I was struck by their collective appearance. The boys all had scruff of some form or another along with easily concealed tattoos (mom and dad still probably don’t know) and the girls were all done up with plenty of makeup and I could tell they had already spent quite a bit of time on their hair before even coming in to sweat. I have a hard time relating, especially to the latter example, as I am always far less than presentable at the gym. Between the tattered gym clothes and constant stream of sweat, I often look like a homeless man who has just walke...

For years, the field of psychology seemed to be fascinated and fixated on abnormal psychology. There was a tremendous amount of research studying and analyzing those who suffered from mental and psychological abnormalities and/or those afflicted by brain injuries and deformities. It seemed as though the collective energy and experience of that field went into finding ways for those who were impaired in some way or another to get to “normal.” Only recently have we seen more breakthroughs in the areas of sports psychology and performance psychology, exploring pathways taking ordinary to optimal. While there is certainly nothing wrong with the desire to treat illness and repair what appears to have been damaged, we must be careful to not become obsessed with that which we see as having gone “wrong.” For one, it can taint our perspective and outlook on life in general, but for two, we might miss the opportunities to improve what is already working. “If it ain’t broke, don’t f...

Just in case you ever needed to drown a great white shark, it’s good to know the task is fairly simple – not necessarily easy, but simple: all you have to do is keep him from swimming. While I wouldn’t recommend trying this, if you were able to keep a great white still, and prevent him from moving forward in the ocean, he would slowly suffocate. The forward motion created by swimming pushes oxygen-rich water over the shark’s gills, allowing them to absorb the oxygen necessary to sustain the shark’s massive body. But if the shark stopped swimming for a long enough period of time, he would essentially drown. Seemingly indestructible with no natural predators, and one of the largest and fiercest predators on the planet, to survive he must always move forward. Our souls work the same way. We need to keep “swimming” – progressing and moving forward – as that movement enriches our souls with the oxygen of personal growth and development. Without it, our souls slowly suffocate. As w...

We have all heard someone lament, and maybe you’ve even had these thoughts yourself, “Life just dealt me a bad hand.” It’s often used as an excuse for failing to live up to someone’s potential or inability to overcome circumstances. While it’s certainly true some have not been dealt the best “cards” as they entered the world, it’s also important to remember that life isn’t like some card games, such as spades or hearts, where you are forced to play with those cards the entire hand. No, it’s more like poker. There’s some risk and “chance” involved for sure, but you also have the opportunity to turn in your cards. You aren’t “stuck” with everything you are originally dealt. And, unlike all of these games, in life, you have some control over the cards you receive back after turning in the originals. Where you were born, your parent’s socioeconomic status, your upbringing and education might all be the “luck of the draw.” But the “cards” you actually play and how yo...

What does your map look like? Are you more focused on moving away from your current location than where you are headed? Is the emphasis on pursuing a target or escaping from present circumstances? It’s rare today to find people who have a clear picture of where they are headed in life. Most are following a map with no destination. It might get them away from “here,” but the “there” is often fuzzy if not completely non-existent. The result is often a frustrating path of aimless circles, trading current difficulties for future dissatisfaction. Seek to clarify what “there” looks like. Moving away from “here” isn’t enough. Your destination might evolve as your goals, needs and aspirations change, and that’s okay, but you must still choose a target to move towards. Life is more fun and fulfilling when you are pursuing something rather than just moving away from “here.”  

Let me first preface this with the statement I am not a Patriots fan. In fact, saying that I am not a fan of the Patriots is kind of like saying the Grand Canyon is a big ditch – it’s a huge understatement. But regardless of my feelings towards the team, what they have accomplished over the last couple decades has been nothing short of remarkable, and Sunday’s Super Bowl was no different. While Super Bowl LIII didn’t have the fireworks many were expecting and hoped for, I don’t understand the disappointment with the flow of the game. No, there weren’t game-breaking plays, highlight reel-catches or long TD runs. It was a hard-fought battle between two defenses who relentlessly stood their ground the entire night. In the end, the Patriots prevailed - not because they made the biggest plays, but because they executed their gameplan flawlessly and minimized mistakes. They didn't need big plays because they didn't make any stupid ones.  It wasn’t flashy and showy, but ...