The Other Edge of Loss

A couple of days ago I was in a situation that provided me with some very palpable reminders of the loss of a great friend. There was a particular moment that flooded me with emotion and brought me to a place where time stood still. More than standing still, time felt warped. My friend’s passing felt as present as if it was happening all over again. The feelings and reactions I felt three years ago were almost tangible, just like the desk in front of me on which my fingertips were resting.

The emotions of that loss pierced my soul like a double-edged sword. Powerful and raw, they were nearly overwhelming. But only one of those edges was pain. Uncomfortable as the hurt was, the other edge the emotion brought with it was joy. Not joy in the loss, but joy stemming from the gratitude that I had something, someone, so precious to lose.

I have a good life, a great life, filled with countless blessings. But like all of us, I can get caught up dwelling on the experience of loss. And if I am not careful, I miss the gifts of joy that preceded each of those losses.

Yes, losing someone or something precious hurts. And yes, I could live closed-off and invulnerable. I could put up walls and barriers around my heart and my emotions. I could live on-guard, in constant “protection” mode. But, like Garth brooks says, I could have missed the pain, but I would have missed the dance. Today, I am grateful for the dance.

Comments

Toxic Humility

We have all seen false humility: the guy who tries to hide his arrogance with feigned modesty. It’s usually pretty obvious and always obnoxious. But there is also another variation of false humility out there: toxic humility. This is often displayed in self-deprecating talk and a lack of self-confidence, belittling or undermining one’s own talents and abilities. The danger in this kind of behavior is twofold: it is too often accepted as true humility and like a virus, it spreads doubt and disbelief. To clarify, it is not that the bearer of this toxic humility isn’t honest about his view of himself. That is the very issue: he absolutely believes he has little value or utility. He thinks downplaying his own worth is humility but I disagree. CS Lewis said it best when he wrote, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking about yourself less.” His point being, true humility is not an ever-present raincloud of self-doubt that follows you around. It’s a focus on

Glutton for Punishment

I’ve learned over the years that being comfortable can be a dangerous thing. I try to find paths to discomfort to push me out of my realm of “safety.” However, I have noticed my ability to develop comfort zones amidst discomfort. I’ve found ways to be comfortable in uncomfortable circumstances. I wonder, do I need to be stretched beyond those areas as well? One of the areas in which I have adapted to the discomfort is the gym. I don’t go to the gym to exercise, to get stronger or even to be healthier. It’s grown beyond that. Now, I go to the gym to clear my head by testing my will and resolve. I do it to see how hard I can push my limits and I strive to outwork everyone else there. I may not be the strongest, the fastest or the fittest. I may not lift the most weight or even do the most reps – I can’t control any of those variables – but I can control my effort. So one of my goals for each workout is to unleash more effort than anyone else at the gym. But along with this

Commitment

You know what the problem is with a lot of goals and grand plans? They are mostly fueled by emotion rather than commitment. It is why most New Year’s Resolutions are long forgotten by now and many aspirations quietly fizzle out over time. True commitment is sticking with the effort even – if and especially when – the emotion has diminished or disappeared. Emotion can be a great initiator of action, like kindling on a fire, but it lacks staying power. Commitment is the logs that keep the fire burning long after the kindling is consumed. The butterflies after falling in love, the best intentions of waking up at 4:30am every day to work out after you join a new gym, the excitement of your first day on campus, even the sleep-deprivation induced euphoria of a new baby: all kindling. But it is commitment that keeps you working hard on the marriage twenty-three years after “I do.” It is what causes you to keep going when you do not want to make one more sales call, do one more presentat

Mindset Matters

Search This Blog