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My Armor

 

My last sermon and my last presentation were not my best work. Good content. Good message. Poor delivery. They both were flat.

I was relaxed. I felt confident. I was comfortable with the material. I have been trying to figure out what the issue was, and then last night I figured it out. There was something missing. Me. I was there but I was hiding.

The problem? I had my armor on. There was no emotion. I put myself out there intellectually, but my heart was not exposed. That part I held back. I was not vulnerable.

It started to come out once. I was speaking about my mother and how she let me feel my fear as a child, allowing me to work out my faith without bailing me out. I could feel the emotion surge through my body as I remembered the fears from my childhood well up. I can feel them even now as I write. But when I was speaking, I shut them down and got back on message. I went back to my points – the information and the data. I put the armor back on.

I am smart and well read. I am knowledgeable in several areas, and even an expert in a few. But that is not all of me. It is not my heart.

I am also passionate. If I allow myself, I deeply feel. I feel pain. I feel fear. But I hide those emotions with my intellect. It’s my armor when I don’t want to be vulnerable. It is my shield to hide behind.

Speaking in front of both of those groups, I only let them see the shield. My heart remained hidden, and my message suffered because of it.

I feel protected behind that shield. It’s comfortable. It’s safe. But it is also a burden. I am held back and encumbered by it. Hiding behind my shield I may be safe, but I cannot be my best.


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