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I Can, But I Won't

 woman wearing white and orange top

“I’m sorry, I just can’t …” 

 

I think we’ve all started an excuse with something along those lines. “I can’t meet you for dinner because I have to preen my duck (hey, it’s a thing!).” The excuse isn’t just a lie – well, I guess it could be true if you have a disheveled mallard on your hands – but it is also disempowering. We use “I can’t” when we often should be saying, “I won’t.”

 

The distinction is important. Not only is “I won’t” more honest with the person we are trying to let down gently, it’s also more honest with ourselves. When we say, “I can’t,” it positions us as victims. We are saying we have no choice in the matter. We are helpless.

 

But when we say, “I won’t,” we are in a position of power. We are making a choice. Even if that choice is foolish or selfish, we are at least taking responsibility for that decision rather than pretending it is being made for us.

 

Take back control and try inserting, “I won’t” when you would normally say, “I can’t.” See if it changes how you experience the circumstances around you.

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